Washington- Absolutely Expected! Completely Unexpected!

When anyone mentions Washington DC, we all get the visual of the White House glowing in all its glory in the bright sunlight.. it's almost instantaneous. And having watched every American crime series and reading American literature and stories I was really looking forward to DC. It was the only city where I wanted to see the maximum number of places... and I had just one full day. But above all, unlike most... Washington for me was all about Forrest Gump and all its romance. I mean who can forget how Jenny screams out to him at the Memorial and runs through the lake.

I landed in DC early evening and reached the house I was going to live in by about 6pm. I was greeted and welcomed by an elderly gentlemen and the house was absolutely perfect. It was almost a mansion and had 3 more rooms to rent out and the house was fully booked. Each room was well lit with white upholstery, a homely feel and an air of comfort. Joe, my landlord gave me a grand tour and even helped me with my bags till the first floor which he didn't need to nor would I have expected considering his age. I settled-in in a matter of moments. I had been very proper with my packing and would always keep clothes for laundry at the bottom of my suitcase and the clothes I'd need for that city right on top. I was in US for 3 weeks and did all sorts of weathers and yet had managed everything in one decent sized suitcase.

World War II Memorial

Leslie, Joe's very sharp and smart wife came in shortly and was the best person evvvver to ask what I could do for the evening? She had an air of confidence and sophistication that just could not be ignored. The pair had diligently laid out brochures of all kinds for their guests to be able to plan exactly what they wanted. I figured where to go and how to get there easily for the next day and then asked her what could I do on my first night in DC... and she.. with an air of sexiness said.. "If it were me, I'd get into something pretty and get to the W Hotel, get to the top floor bar and just see the entire city lit up". I noticed I was smiling just listening to her and in my head I had already reached there.. so I did exactly that. Got dressed and reached the W Hotel. Not knowing what exactly to expect made my first view of the view even more breath-taking. The terrace had the most amazing view of the White House and the monument.

I made some lovely conversations there with some Indians and other visitors, but one person stood out... Special Agent Vic from Homeland Security. It was purely cheap thrills to be in America's Capital and running into someone from Homeland Security as I looked upon the White House from the Terrace Restaurant. He was a lovely man and of-course didn't share anything about his work with me.

The next day I got up well rested and with my spirits super excited about seeing all the places I had only seen on TV. The weather had been gorgeous and sunny. The bus tours of DC are probably the most efficient and cover the entire city. A good tip again is to wear very very comfy shoes here... There's a lot of walking up stairs and dashing to and fro from the designated bus stops.

I started with the World War II Memorial. It was perfect with 56 granite pillars in a semi circle with a fountain in the middle. Pillars have the names of all states of the US and a wall which holds 4048 gold stars each representing 100 Americans who lost lives or remain missing and a quote reading "Here we mark the price of freedom". I can't really explain how I felt exactly.. the place was very peaceful and yet even though I obviously didn't know anyone nor was it my country but I felt a deep sense of sadness.. just sadness.. how many lives had been lost.. families destroyed because of these wars... How and when did lands and religions become more important than humanity. I couldn't imagine losing a family member even to old age and then there were these wars and acts of terrorism that had been destroying humanity and ruining families forever. People had lost family members in moments... just like that.. It felt so depressing and well... unnatural in every way.

And yet what a thoughtful way of giving the soldiers this honour. 

The Reflecting Lake at the Lincoln Memorial

My heart was a bowl of many mixed emotions, and the next few hours had to be crisp, attentive and focussed cause I had so many places to 'hit and run' and so will the next few paragraphs.

My next stop was the much awaited Lincoln Memorial.. iconic for its history and its importance in movies like Forrest Gump and Planet of the Apes. With the entire structure basking in the sun in all its glory... the Reflecting Pool in-front and the clear view of the monument... makes one just smile. Here I was.. standing where Abraham Lincoln was being enshrined, where Martin Luther King gave his "I have a dream" speech. It's a good idea to just sit here and breathe it all in.

I didn't have time to see all the spots so had been selective and very time managed. But then, the open top bus made a stop in-front of the Spy Museum.. and I sat still contemplating whether I should.. could miss this bit and the answer was a clear NO. I've been such a Bond movies freak... so I just jumped right out and went for it. Ok.. so I'll be honest.. I was hoping to see a lot of stuff on James Bond... but somehow they had a section for only the Bond Villains.. little let down! There is a segment where they ask you to take up a role play and try to make you feel like a spy with a cover name and stuff but... ummmm I wasn't too impressed. And was a bit expensive too.

United States Capitol

Then I went on to the United States Capitol, the seat of the US Congress. Again an absolutely gorgeous structure with the big dome and everything white. . Ofcourse it had crazy security all over but I was honestly tired and though there is a walking path all around it and everyone was only on the path I couldn't understand how and why were people not sprawled all over the absolutely gorgeous lawns all around. I was just about to walk nonchalantly but it suddenly occurred to me what if they saw it as a crime or something and arrested me ... so I took some steps back and walked up to the guards and just sweetly asked.. "umm .. will be ok if I cut through the grass for a better view?" They looked me up and down and said "Sure, just make sure you don't go too close to the bushes, they are loaded with motion sensors and alarms" GULLLP! I said thank you and obviously didn't walk on the grass.

Next stop was the Smithsonian and my main focus was the Air and Space Museum and it was every bit as amazing as every article claims. There were components of space shuttles, explanations on their working, all the success and failure stories, aircrafts of every generation hanging from the ceilings with stories about their inventions and advancements. I was absolutely wowed by everything there.

Air and Space Museum

I must mention that in the hop-on hop-off buses you don't always travel with the same set of people but then there are chances that you see someone who was with you in the previous trip through the day and familiarity comes easy with a smile and conversations flow in with suggestions and plans. I made friends with a group of 8 African American women of all ages who were from Tennessee and my god what energy levels they had.. absolute fun women. All sisters with their kids.

Another interesting spot is the Lock Keepers House. We crossed it a few times and I don't quite know the history but it was a stone built hut in almost the middle of all these new age buildings and structures. But it was a pretty site.

The Lock Keeper's House

The last stop was ofcourse the White House. Took some pictures and ofcourse I tried to look at every window hoping I'd probably see President Obama.. N no I wasn't that lucky! As I walked out to take a seat on a bench next to a lake right outside and just sat staring at the fountain a young boy in a suit came to share my bench, we both smiled and nodded. Andy Brown had just joined as staff in the White House and was an absolutely cute and adorable company. So we sat for about five minutes, I praised him for what he was doing, he praised me for what I was doing and both wished each other success and just like that became friends.

The White House

So I had planned that since I was so tired, I'd go home, rest for a while and then head towards Georgetown for an early dinner and be home as soon and get a good night's sleep before my early morning flight the next day. I had no idea what was about to take me by storm. So the cab driver who drove me home that particular day was particularly peculiar. I had got a call from my love while in his cab and after over-hearing my love talks.. he totally abruptly asked.. "You Married" ... I said "umm.. Yes... why?" hesitatingly.

To which he said in the most animated way.. "My wife never speaks to me like that.. she horrible.. always screaming screaming..." and went on and on and on... "She remember old fight and bring up after months.. I no even remember...I love her but oh my god hate living with her... she never talk sweet sweet...." and on and on... And then just suddenly asked me.. "You live here? Or visiting? Wait... you looking like tourist.. Ya?" and I think I just nodded... he just kept talking.. and then asked "So you go party party at night? Where you go?"

I till date don't know why I immediately blurted "Georgetown".. I mean who was he.. I didn't even know him but he spoke to me so easily all about his life that I almost felt like I must know him... and he immediately said "Oh Georgetown?? No Georgetown... Georgetown is like.. how you say.. umm it is very white... all rich rich ... you wanna see REAL DC?? You no go Georgetown... You go Adam's Morgan.. that is real DC... real underbelly".

Madam's Organ at Adam's Morgan

He even gave me directions and bus numbers to get there and everything... Just like that.. a complete stranger had planned my evening. I walked to my room with a smile and in awe of this peculiar character who had met me.. praised me.. opened his life to me.. and also known what I may like while I had probably just spoken seven words to him.
Adam's Morgan... Oh my God... Adam's Morgan.. Everything had been so white and prim and manicured and and... and NICE the whole day that nothing could have prepared me for Adam's Morgan. I had never heard of it but even if I had... nothing could have described the life.. the energy... the vivacity of Adam's Morgan. It was a street full of options.. and the interesting part was.. my options were not restaurants or cuisines... they seemed to be.. Countries! Yes.. Countries... It was like the funnest UN area.. There was Brazilian, French, African, Mexican, Middle Eastern, Ethiopian, Indian... and no they were not just the cuisine but looked like they all were carrying a bit of the best of their countries... the layouts.. the interior designs... the fragrance of the foods... and last but not the least... the music... oh my god the music...

The Adam's Morgan Street

Let me try and make you walk my shoes... imagine a small street and you walk past a quaint looking French restaurant with a little seating on the outside with the fragrance of fresh breads and cheese lingering in the air and some classic French music playing and you take a peep inside and in an instant you are there... on some street in Paris on a cool romantic night.. and you smile to yourself blissfully. And you carry on walking and a few steps further, you feel a sort of thumping in the ground below you and suddenly there is an African live band playing some reggae tunes and smiling at you while you walk past them and the air gets loaded with the smell of heavy oils and spices and you are already in Africa.. Oh the bliss.. the madness of Adam's Morgan! Just a street with no barriers and love for only fun, food and music. There was no way I wasn't going to enjoy as much of this street as I possibly could.. So decided to go restaurant hopping and soon made friends with a bunch of girls who were doing the exact same thing as me and asked me to join them. Soon we girls were trying to get as much of the street as we possibly could.. Our last stop was the landmark  of the street named "Madame's Organ" and had three floors of music.. of all kinds and graffitis all over the walls. I guess the best way to sum it is that... This street was a traveller's haven! 

DC was everything I expected it to be but more importantly it was everything I never expected it to be... Another wonderful lesson learnt.. Talk to cabbies and expect the unexpected!

San Francisco - The Pier, The Prison and The Parenting!

There were only two reasons why San Francisco ever featured in my itinerary, an old friend had told me once many many years ago that I must see how beautiful it could be and being a music lover I had heard the song,

 “If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair” by Scott McKenzie.

 And if you have heard this song I'm sure you are smiling, it's just a simple, soft song giving the warmest feel of the city.

I slept through my flights to San Francisco and was going to be staying with a single mother and her daughter in SF. I had badgered Mary with multiple queries about Alcatraz and she had been very patient and honest with all her advice and descriptions. So I was expecting a professional lady to greet me on arrival. As I left the airport my shuttle was waiting; a good way to travel to and from most airports in USA is to use the shuttle services, they are pre booked a day in advance preferably and are very economical and safe.

I had the cutest welcome by her daughter. She was probably 11 or 12 years old, had curly hair till her shoulders which were kept free and untamed and wore a pink tee with blue pyjamas and had the most warm, honest, gleeful smile. Her father was there too. A pretty grumpy man with hurry and disapproval on his face screaming out loud. But the daughter's absolute cuteness made it easy to ignore him as she showed me the facilities and things in the kitchen and even asked me if I needed coffee and the man just sat there looking at his watch and repetitively reminding her he was late, till she very assertively asked him to back off saying "I have a guest to take care of Dad, please wait" and smiled back at me confidently. I told her she could go and I'd take care of myself and watched her hop away while she kept talking about things to take care of... Mary was a very interesting woman and her house was eclectic in style with art pieces kept randomly all over. These pieces were not conventionally beautiful but raw and drew attention. Her walls were full of paintings of people and faces, now I won't call them masterpieces but there was definitely an intriguing story behind them, and I wanted to know. Mary came in later that evening and we caught up and she was the most strong and vulnerable woman I had ever met. In her pictures she looked lovely with her red hair but when I had met her she had chopped her hair very very short.

My room at Mary's home

Coco Chanel said "A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life" and Mary had recently been divorced after what seemed to be a traumatic marriage. Please know this; I am not a sexist nor am I a feminist, I just believe in people but perhaps am guilty of understanding women more easily than men and hence can project their stories better. She was clearly struggling in her life but had an air of pride protecting her carefully. Through our conversations she told me that after her divorce she had struggled with expression and then found paint and everything became easy step by step and she was still on her path of total recovery. Her life lay in her daughter and most of the paintings were of her in various moods and colours. Both of them would interact as almost adults and I must admit it was a bit strange to hear such a little girl voice out her 'opinions'. Mary kept asking for justification for them and the baby would think for a while and then substantiate each of her reactions or opinions with logic.

The stuck cloud on the Golden Gate Bridge

I think I was too tired that night to process what was happening. I woke up well rested the next morning and decided to walk. San Francisco has the most wonderful weather and roads are just perfect for long walks. Directions were easy... "Walk straight down the Fillmore St.", and I would reach the Marina. It was a mile long walk and it was 8 am. I had managed to get some coffee and a croissant and I must confess the air was so fresh that my body felt lighter and in-spite of the rod in my leg the mile long walk didn't make me break a sweat. Soon enough; there it was, the Marina; with couples and men and women of all ages walking their dogs, some jogging, some on cycles, some hand in hand and many stalls put up at the Marina Greens. I sure was a bit overwhelmed with so much activity at this hour only to realise in a moment that that day it was the 'Escape from Alcatraz- Triathlon' and there was a sea of fitness enthusiasts and families cheering all over... It was perfect for me to steal some energy from.. So I cheered ... No one in particular and everyone in general and just that got my blood pumping. I walked further down and suddenly... Just like that... It was right there... The iconic Golden Gate Bridge.. It truly was looking like a marvel... and like a scene out of Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes with a cloud stuck on them. I saw it and hoped as the day progressed that the clouds would clear out .. Well the whole sky did clear out but those clouds stayed stuck on the top of the bridge. I walked all around the Yacht Harbor while a couple of young sweaty athletes or joggers offered to take pictures of me.. :) Of-course I was flattered.. And they would then carry on wishing me a lovely day ahead.

The Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon

Now what I did not realise was that I had already walked over a mile and had reached the joggers area; so when I asked people for directions to Pier 33 for my Alcatraz tour they pointed me towards the walking trails. I felt very proud of myself when on returning back to India, I went online and checked that in a matter of hours, I had another walked 4.5 kms that day!

 You know nowadays we all are needy for information and we think too much, I on the other hand don't like too much information and am a pretty one step at a time person.. It's like ever since they have put up the timers at the traffic signals, I find myself staring at them hoping it turns green and the wait now seems longer than it did before. Earlier we would talk and look at each other but now most people just sit there staring at the timer.. counting down. So when the people said that way... I kept walking that way... never asked how far...when I would get tired I sat down and when the pain kicked in... I sat a little longer... The walk was so full of picture perfect scenes and other walkers and joggers of all ages that it was easy for me to draw energy from them. With the sea on my left and a beautiful Fort Mason Green on my right I just kept walking and let my mind wander. And within moments I was completely lost in thought and my mind took me back to the conversation I had heard the previous night. Mary and her daughter had a wonderful relationship. And I was full of awe and a familiar feeling towards mothers in general. Most of us find it easy to connect with our mothers and just love them.

The uphill walk at Fort Mason Greens

No matter how many poems people write or how much we try to describe their awesomeness... we simply can't. We all women could be astronauts, doctors, ambitious corporates, competitive sharks, or anything but when it comes to having our babies, we bend backward to keep the umbilical cord connected. I'll talk about only the women I've seen... They were always under pressure... mostly created by themselves... as if this was all they were born for and this was their life mission and if they were not successful as the world's best mother nothing they did in other aspects of their lives would be of any value. And honestly, I aspire to be one too.. I pray that I turn out to be half as amazing a mother as my mother is. But then suddenly... a shocking pattern hit me.. that men weren't as keen on becoming the world's best dad... No No wait... Allow me to explain..  As I've grown up and seen all I have, I personally feel that ego gets the better of fathers and mothers can drop even their self respect to keep families together... I don't know about other countries.. I know this happens in Indian families... Our mothers are the only reason that most of us put up with our fathers and the reasons for some of them always being so easily irritable and 'scolding us' kinds is normally cause we wouldn't agree with them or think differently. While women focus on families; the men have always been focused on earning money and our 'Society' is OK with that. The most successful woman is considered a failure if her kids don't turn out to be stars.. however when it comes to men.. as long as they can run the house with money they are good.

I was troubled... How and why was this? When did this become ok? Didn't we all need a wholesome family? My dad is no villain but I can go weeks without talking to him but need to connect with my mother almost regularly and she makes most of the efforts... and continues to call me to check on me no matter how many times I have hung up saying "I'm busy, I'll call you back" and never did. Why didn't we encourage our men to be as involved with their kids? Why did moms cover up their husbands behaviours when they didn't agree with them and let them walk away as they explained to us "You know your dad na.. It's ok". Why were dads not taught to communicate better? Why weren't we teaching our boys to be good husbands and fathers like we train our girls to be good wives and mothers? Many questions kept sprouting with many memories and each thought kept simplifying matters and relationships for me and I knew what I needed to change. Or atleast try.....

When people ask me why do I travel alone; this is what I tell them. When we travel with someone then we focus our time and energies on them and hold conversations with them, which is beautiful. But when I travel alone, I talk to people... I hear them... I think about them.. I learn from them... They make me think about things I simply can't find the time to in my day to day life and nuances while I battle grocery lists and home chores and traffic and work.

This is where I sat a little longer....

Mary had set a perfect example of good upbringing to me. When she came to know that there had been a heated moment between her daughter and her ex-husband, she patiently asked her if she was rude and the little girl thought for a moment and said "No, I don't think I was rude", and I agree she wasn't. She then asked her why did she say what she did to which the girl again thought and responded with complete calm "I was embarrassed", Mary asked why and she further explained looking at me hesitatingly "Mom, we had a guest at home and I needed to tell her about the house and he was being rude and kept interrupting me so I had to ask him to stop" and Mary didn't disagree. I liked that... I liked that very much.. She reinforced to her gorgeous daughter that she should never keep quiet if anyone made her uncomfortable about anything.. She should always voice out her disagreement with grace. WOW!! Such a simple incident could have so much impact on us... It had so much impact on me... their simple conversation had made me think about so much.. And made the long walk so easy.

Outside the 'Hole' in Alcatraz and feeling BUCK!

And when I saw the time I was still far and I had 10 minutes left for my booking at the Alcatraz, I rushed my tired feet as hard as I could and reached just in time. As I serpented my way through to the big boat which was going to take me to the notorious Alcatraz, the island stood right in-front of me in complete isolation in the never ending sea with a promise of so many stories to be told. I recommend good walking shoes for Alcatraz, if you want to see all the parts and are curious to know of all the stories of the worst criminals and the escape attempts. What took me by surprise was that San Francisco looked glorious from the prison and I couldn't help but think... that for the criminals it must have been such a sore sight.. I mean.. the good life was right infront of them at all times.. almost within their reach except for no way to escape and a freezing sea between them and the straight lanes and lives of the good people. They even had a section for dogs who were trained to attack when told. Inside the prison walls and the individual prisons.. the likes of me.. 'tourists' were getting their pictures clicked behind bars with smiles... but when I asked someone to take a picture of me.. I couldn't help myself and feel ... ummmm .. BAD and BUCK... so I made the 'Criminal faces' and soon enough like a fad.. everyone was clicking pics behind bars with the appropriate expressions... hahahah... 

The view from Alcatraz- The straight lanes and lives of San Francisco!

On my arrival back to land; my friend was already waiting to pick me up with his wonderful wife and son. Tushar is an IT professional and had lived here for over a decade. And even though we hadn't met in over 15 years.... Was kind enough to take me around and later even insist I stay over in his posh home with the cream carpets and a pool in the backyard. I did have a rough plan for that day but was meeting him after so long that I didn't feel comfortable making demands so I let him plan my day. It's good to let go and throw away the oars sometimes, I say. He drove me all around SF and showed me the much famed and beautiful crooked road... which was such a pretty sight with the flowers all along it and then took me for a long drive, over the Golden Gate Bridge to the 17 mile road. Again, I was meeting him after about 15 years, and he was a friend of my brother in law and we had met at my sister's wedding and yet he and his wife; also an IT professional went out of their way with their son who wasn't too well to show me the city. Now the 17 mile drive

, I don't know if this place features in any lists of To-Sees but I sure loved it... Twas long and winding and had mountains on one side and sea on the other.. We drove through trees and multiple picturesque spots and then came across a spot where the trees had the weirdest shapes... One was called the Ghost Tree and I swear it did look like a ghost.

The Ghost Tree- 17 Mile Drive

When they had asked me what I wanted to eat I had requested Sambar rice, I was craving home cooked simple meals. But, we got home very late that night. The next morning; she had made it for me :). I sat in the sunny backyard to soak up the sun and ate over two servings of rice :) before they dropped me to the airport and we exchanged promises to be in touch.

San Francisco had been absolutely wonderful with amazing weather and so many gorgeous places to see... But I was going to the airport with thoughts of Mary and smiling about the kindness of Tushar and his family. And reminding myself of the lessons I had learnt and praying I would remember them when I became a mother. 

This is ELLL AAAA maaan! - Los Angeles!

So my last stop in America was supposed to be LA. I was spending the most amount of time here because I wanted to just sit back and relax here. And as you will read and laugh about each and every interaction you will realise, I should have never done LA.

So the first night I landed in LA and took the cab for Hollywood and Vine; yup, that's where I had got myself a gorgeous loft and could not be happier living ON the Hollywood Boulevard. As I entered the city I had already seen cops arrest some African American but the cab was moving too fast for me to capture the moment as a tourist. This was the first time I was seeing an arrest with the guy's head put on the trunk of the car and the cops handcuffing him. To be honest, it was more scary than exciting, but we quickly moved past it and I entered the heavenly zones of the Sunset Boulevard and Hollywood Boulevard. And the roads lit up with lights and colour and all the familiar names of to-dos and to-sees. From the bus tours to the big flashy theatres, a million souvenir shops, the comedy club pubs everything was there. And I was living right here... You can't imagine my excitement! As in my head I thought.. no more busses and trains, I'll just walk everywhere.. I'm living on the Hollywood Boulevard in LA!!! This was where all the action was!!

My landlord was a no show for the first night, which was very uncomfortable cause he had left his entire house open... like all doors and drawers open and I was there.. a person he just did not know. Did he not consider I could have been a wierdo, oh wait... what if he was?? What if there were cameras all over?? I checked every mirror, every corner before I changed I promise, place  looked clean and yet I did all the changing girls hostel style... well which means the girls always have something on and we struggle our way through clothes and exchange them rather than change... ask the women.... we all can do it :) I'd rather always be safe than sorry I say :)

The Hard Rock Cafe!

It was about dinner time so I thought I'll take a stroll along the Boulevard and pick up pamphlets to plan my next day and grab a meal and souvenir at the Hard Rock Cafe. So; dressed up pretty and walked along picking up brochures and making mental plans. Most friends often ask me, don't I get bored alone... And the truth is.. well cause you are responsible for your own fun you are mostly really really busy planning it and then living it... its only at restaurants that you could imagine being awkward but if you are a single woman travelling; people are generally really nice to you, like the gorgeous waitress who served me at the Hard Rock. She was a professional dancer struggling in LA and played my body guard against all the men who were trying to ask about me. When a man walked up to me to hold a conversation, she was there in moments to rescue me and tell the man I was not to be disturbed very assertively. She was fierce!

The reality of LA did not hit me till I was walking back home. It was barely about 10:30 pm and it was a 20 minute walk, when suddenly an old man started calling out to me, he was a homeless man and kept calling me by some name and walking hurriedly towards me, I started walking faster and so did he... before I knew it I was so scared I started running and entered the first restaurant I could see. My friend had long ago told me, if someone starts to follow you always head for a hotel or restaurant.. Good advice! I entered the restaurant with a dash as the hostess walked towards me awkwardly saying her repetitive line "Table For...." and I think I held her panting and saying.. "A man.. A man is following me... I didn't know where to go.. Can I wait here for a bit?" Both she and the manager waited with me as they handed me water to help me calm down and watched the crazy man disappear. I had no idea what had just happened? Was I just 'harassed' by a homeless guy in 'America' on the 'Hollywood Boulevard' of LA???? And just then before I could even compose myself and walk without trembling I was passing a club of sorts and few more 'over friendlies' started 'complimenting' me and hooting and.. and.. as they got closer.. I screamed back at them "Please leave me alone or I'll start crying" ... and ran away... Wait... What... What did F%*@ did I just say??? "I'll start crying?????????????" That was my threat????? What the hell was wrong with me??? Who says that???

The strip club from my balcony!

As I dragged my tired feet home; I was almost banging the door of the apartment building and begging the lady at the reception to let me in.. and the moment she let me in I broke down and cried like a baby holding her... I had not had such experiences ever.... even as I had walked around prepared in India; but was so unprepared for this to happen to me in America.. Where was I?? As I sobbed and told my story to the lady she totally knew what I was talking about... and said "Ya... Ummmm.. These homeless people have killed LA, we call them 'bums' and they are all over.. honey you need to keep some pepper spray with you at all times and next time just don't even think... spray anyone who even gets close." 

As I entered the empty new house I was so shaken up that I slept with every door double locked and fighting memories of movies wandering my head.. with the cop car sirens and loud noise coming from the street below, I slept with earphones in my ears that night hoping the next day came with a promise to be bright.

As the alarm rang at 7 30, I stepped into the living area and fixed myself a coffee with some good music on my ipod and as I stepped out in the balcony through a window to feel the sun on my face I was rudely SHOCKED!! My apartment was opposite a strip club which had a huge board outside it with 'fully naked girls here' written in every possible language.. yup.. even Hindi. Amused and embarrassed took a sip of my coffee to realise the milk had gone bad and being in the balcony I had no place to even spit quickly... I was beginning to pray for a better day now.

Santa Monica- And the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co at the back!

Positive me got dressed... picked up a coffee from the Starbucks en-route and made my way to take the bus tours. Met some smiling faces, took pictures, made some old couple friends and the day was gloriously beautiful and as we drove around in the open top bus... I waited.. I waited... I waited to be awestruck... to look at some place.. any place and be like.. "WOW". It... it didn't happen. Saw and stopped at many places.. made a long stop at the Santa Monica Pier too.. but I gotta be honest.. I wasn't dazzled at all. So here is what I think.. unless you are seriously "Star Struck" or something LA is not the place for you.. I mean the pier had Bubba named shrimp shops all over ;being influenced by Forrest Gump.. and oh so did the broad walk in San Francisco, I mean it was a movie for god's sake... we haven't named places where Bollywood movies were shot with the names of characters.. Imagine going to a hill station with all shops and restaurants named Raj or something. I do love the movie.. I loved Forrest Gump and know it by the dialogue but really the only thing people said about Santa Monica to me was.. This is where Forrest ran till and stopped running... ummmm LAME is what I thought.. just me! Yes it was pretty and everything but I really had seen better beaches and crowds.

Anyway.... went on to the most popular Venice Beach from there.. Now this was interesting with basketball courts right next to the beach and a flea market all along the coast with street performers and open restaurants... I walked along the beach for a bit.. posed as a life-guard and walked back to a restaurant.. had a good meal.. picked up some cool shades for like $7 and used a loo with no lights and totally UVed.

There were 2 highlights of my trip to LA, the movie show at the El Capitan where they performed a magic show before they played Maleficent and the only other highlight was Deepali Khanna. She is my elder brother's friend and even though we had never met she was most helpful and warm with every single suggestion she made. Told me exactly what to do and where to go and every piece of advice was perfect including taking the tour buses.

Venice Beach and the $7 sunglasses! :)

Unlike most of USA; LA is not the most well connected city in terms of local transport and the only way to really enjoy it is to have a car of your own really. It's very spread out with little or no connectivity. Had dinner at my landlord's restaurant Wood and Vine, a beautiful, quaint restaurant with lovely service and great cocktails. Uday, my landlord was born and brought up in LA and was a complete gentlemen and ran the restaurant with all his heart.

All LA had to offer in terms of sightseeing was where who lived and died.. the celebrities.. and that was so totally not quenching my thirst. So the next day I decided to visit the 'hot-spots' of LA; desperately hoping to be impressed. So I went to the Melrose Avenue, to check out shops where a pair of sunglasses was for $800 and ate at 'The Ivy Restaurant'. Now to be honest I was hoping that the food and drinks here were going to be out of this world, cause this was a celebrity hang out... but nope.. infact the salad was almost limp and I could barely finish it. The most incredible thing about it.. was the look and feel of the place, I felt I was in Spain with all the flowers and plants around me, the closely laid tables, it was pretty intimate yet private. Now being a solo traveller; I've always requested random strangers to take pictures for me, but the waiters here were more busy standing and waiting and looking around but could not take a minute to take a picture of me. They simply asked me to wait and then forgot. Oh! Another example of their hospitality..?? There was a beautiful bunch of flowers on the table and I requested if I could take just one flower and I was refused.. curtly.. very curtly.

Then walked to the Urth Cafe, also another hotspot, but again the bobba/bubble tea in Australia was way better than what they offered. As I then walked towards the city centre for some shopping the strangest thing happened, an old woman, well dressed walked dead on towards me and said, "Your life is about to change, a big change is coming your way" I must admit I was startled but I knew better by now and I decided to play along and said "Really? How so?" and she said "You will find what you are looking for"

"Be specific, please", and there it was... she says "Keep $20 in my palm and I'll tell you all about it... I simply walked away laughing... and went up to Blooming Dales only to run into her again in the make-up section where she tried all the expensive make up as my sales boy hid me from her... It was hilarious! Bums!!?? LA was full of crazies!!

My last night in LA, I was meeting an old friend... and this turned out to be an absolute night to remember! He had been living there for decades and was in love with LA... no no.. not like you and me love a city or our country he was obsessed with it! And had made it his responsibility to make everyone know it and love it too; so when he asked me how I loved LA.. I being the 'compulsive truther' said "It's alright! I dig history and culture and LA doesn't have much of that... It may be great for party people but I'm not big on that" Oh... My... God!! The rest of the evening he kept telling me how awesome it was here and kept making gestures to 'high-five' him every time he said... 'This is ELLL AAA man' like really every few minutes he would say something and expect me to do it too... 'This is ELLL AAA man'.... I said I was harassed by bums.. and he said see.. "The weather here is so awesome even the homeless love it here... 'This is ELLL AAA man' (high five)" . He raved about how well he was doing and seeing a British girl, and when I asked him her name.. It was an Indian name and with the confused look on my face he figured he had to explain..and said ya she is 'Gujju' but born in UK you know.... I swear if you in my head that evening you would do one of two things... hold your head in your hands or just be gaping rudely... After raving for 15 minutes on how well he was doing he almost stupidly looked at me and said "Hope you are getting the next round.." I had had enough by then and blurted out... "Honey, if I can travel the world and live in fancy hotels and apartments, I sure can buy you a drink, in-fact why don't you sit pretty, I'll take the tab" and he went on to explain, "You know this is how we work in US man.. everyone splits... It's not like India.." It was my turn now... I had heard so much of his pseudo non-sense that talking about India like he knew it when he had no clue.. was the last straw! I don't get it.. Why do all these people who had recently (ya even 10-15 years is recent) moved to US become such wannabes and desperate to blend in with the locals that they would follow everything without using any rationale... So desperate to become a 'New Yorker' or from LA!!?? Yes, here in India also, when I meet the friends I regularly hang out with.. we all split the bill but when we meet someone who is meeting us after decades in our town its almost nice and hospitable to take the tab.. Even my British friends do that! Infact when they met me after only 6 months they even got gifts for me (Thanks Victoria!) Anyone who can travel abroad for a vacation can sure buy stuff for themselves, it's not like I needed him to buy it but the audacity to demand it and assume I'm from some backward village who doesn't understand how the cool world of equality works was simply pushing it..

He did take me to a few cool places, and split after he got the message that this wasn't fun at the Chateau Marmont. Met a funny bouncer there and I was so full of negativity by the time he left that when the bouncer looked at me and asked.. bad night... I just rattled away about his stupid 'high-fiving' and he said the funniest thing.. said.. "Oh! Oh ya, I do that too all the time.. especially after sex.. you know like this was good.. and we like high-five" I laughed out loud... and said.. "That's a mental picture I won't forget man" and I haven't...!

Next day I was leaving for home, and I'd had a million awesome moments in my time in US and even though LA wasn't even close to the human interactions I had in all other parts, it was alive... and people who lived there could not dream of leaving it..

Travel teaches you a lot about yourselves, and there is more to learn from bad experiences than the good ones.. I always say.. good times may make you re-inforce what you like but the bad experiences teach you what you don't like and are not ok with. I wasn't OK with someone... talking down about my country and assuming they were superior beings because of a geographic difference. I wasn't ok with a city like LA.

Serendipity- Boston

Whenever I would hear the name of Boston, only 3 things would come to my mind... The Boston Tea Party (boring I know), Fringe (series on telly about teleportation and existence of an alternate universe) and the much loved Boston Legal.. clearly I'm a TV buff and have the annoying habit of singing 'Been there... Done that' and gloat to my friends when they show a snippet of any place I have travelled to..

So when I was preparing to visit the glorious city I had a million things in mind, however when I plan my travel I put in a lot of time to decide where I stay but almost always never plan things to do. We all do know about the big to-dos and to-sees of every city but I don't like to see the places to visit lists. I prefer going to the place and checking with the locals and make the plan as I go along, sure there may be places I may miss but I free myself of the pressures of hitting targets on a list.

I was trying airbnb.com for the first time, for people who don't know, it's a website where people put up their rooms or homes for rent. So you could be living in the most prime locations in a city and be paying lesser and still have a homely feel. For some reason; hotel rooms have always made me feel lonely... they feel like they have seen so much that there is no emotion or life left in them... but that's just me! So I had picked each place to stay carefully and held multiple conversations with my landlords for a few days at each location I was going to be travelling.

Boston's famous 'Make way for the Ducklings' statue

The first place I was going to be staying at was with a lovely couple; Paul and Amy and their gorgeous dog Hazel. Definitely the most well behaved dog I had met and oh my god the cool tricks she would do were remarkable. So a little nervous and anxious I entered someone's house. I must admit, for the last couple of weeks I had been travelling with my girl-friends from college who I had met after a decade and in all the excitement of the travel and the hang-over of the memories of the reunion in New York, Niagara, Charlotte and Myrtle Beach I had been pretty pre-occupied to even think about what I was going to do and where I was heading; but it hit me hard when I entered the house and even though Paul was most warm and welcoming and hospitable, I was shaking inside. The desiness inside me was suddenly HIT by all the thoughts of a paranoid girl from Delhi entering an unknown man's house. I watched carefully while he made me a cup of coffee and explained where the basic things were for cooking. Honestly I was relieved that he was fixing a cup for himself too else my mind was screaming 'Watch carefully.. he may spike it'. we sat at the tiny table for three by the wall and I think I pretended to be relaxed and casual pretty well and praised the home and the lovely colours they had used. It truly was the most pretty, colourful small, well planned home with a little balcony. In a while I was really comfortable till I went to use the loo... ummmm no no.. it was clean and nice but... ummmm... it didn't lock!!! I came out hesitantly and inquired how do we lock this... and Paul casually said... well for us.. if the door is shut.. we know someone is in.. we leave the door open otherwise. My god knows how hard I held the door of that loo the first few times I used it... hahahahah... I was fine and safe!! Paul then told me briefly about the places I should visit and I could skip. Like I said, the locals give it to you straight.. He suggested where all I could visit, told me bus routes.. names.. locations and I meticulously took notes. I had arrived in the afternoon so decided to unpack a little, freshen up and start with my adventure.

I was going to Harvard Square, Paul had given me the bus route and bus numbers, I dressed up and simply left. Yup, no map, no internet and most importantly... no umbrella... Big mistake! I was soon going to find that out but also that these mistakes would lead me to one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Walked out of the house with a skip in my step and feeling very brave, figured the bus stop and as I waited for the bus.. it began to rain. I love rain, I think most Indians do, except rain in the west is not even close to being as pleasant as in India. It's just cold and damp and even though the streets never get messy like here in India, it's just too mucky and ummm... not nice. So here I was.. at a bus stop with no shed and waiting and getting wet. Thankfully the bus did arrive shortly.

I had cash and a travel card. So I tried to swipe my card for the tickets, like I had done before in my Europe travels, only to see the driver looking at me a little surprised and the only thing he asked was... "First time?" I reluctantly said "Is it that obvious?" and smiled. He said it's one sixty ($ 1.60), cash only. "Oh I have cash" and pulled out a twenty.. he smiled again nodding his head side to side and said, "Go on.. It's on the house. Welcome to Boston!" I smiled back embarrassed still unable to figure what had I done wrong, but carried on to get myself a seat. And just then it struck me I didn't know the name of the stop I was to get down on or how many stops away was it... frantically looked around for a stop map in the bus .. there was nothing! So I calmly asked the girl sitting next  me. She was more than happy to help and educate, told me where all to walk and where to get the best coffees and shakes too.. and soon I had reached the Harvard Square.

By then I had become used to the chill and dampness and chose to keep walking in any direction my feet took me, so I walked just aimlessly till I reached a beautiful bridge. Only later did I realise I was on the Charles River. Asked some people to take pictures of me while they were in a hurry to get out of the rain and I stood there like it was nothing; smiling and posing. I was cold by now and my clothes were pretty damp, I needed a hot hot hot coffee and soon and I was very head strong that I didn't wanna go to another Starbucks, so I kept walking till I saw this quaint and warm looking coffee shop beyond a little garden patch called the Winthrop Square with the pretty rot iron benches. It was perfect with its ambience and the lovely warm lights and staff. So I got me a coffee and stepped outside for a smoke, shared a smile with a very tattooed and groovy looking girl while she borrowed my lighter and spoke to her friend on the phone and I just sat there to breathe it all in. A fellow from inside the shop seemed to have followed me outside while he smiled and tried to talk about the weather. He wasn't dressed like the rest of us, he was wearing a cream coloured three piece suit and I instinctively didn't want to encourage him. So I smiled and looked away. Went back inside to avoid more conversation only to realise he was sitting right next to me moments later. He had even left his stuff there. So now there was no escape, I really wanted to finish my coffee n get warm, so I decided to suck it up and be assertive. Soon enough he asked me where I was from and I proudly said India, what came next was something I just wasn't prepared for. Now this was May 2014, and his next question was "What do you think about Narendra Modi?" I couldn't believe my ears and I said "I'm sorry what?" he said "Narendra Modi, your new President oh sorry Prime Minister?" I was both in shock and awe, so I said "I have high hopes from him, why what do you think about him?" and then we sat there for long talking about the world's politics. Mitch Hampton was a pianist and a musician and wonderful company ofcourse! We both educated each other about perspectives on world events and politics and agreed easily with each other. And just like that.. I had made a friend already. I soon walked out smiling at what had just happened. I think the world is full of wonderful people and even though we are on the social medias with hundreds of friends we all are a little lonely and love a good conversation. No he wasn't hitting on me, we didn't even talk about our personal lives. We just talked.. :)

As I walked back to the bus stop I had been educated that I needed to have two one dollar bills to pay the bus fare, but by the time I reached the bus stop it was raining pretty hard and I had to run the last bit. There were only a couple of us at the stop so I asked a young guy for some change for my twenty dollar bill, he checked his pockets but was running short and just like that without hesitation said, "I'll go get some from the shop across, I need some water anyway" before I could say, I'll come with you he was already gone, running through the rain and soon came back and gave me the change, so I handed him the note expecting his to give me the exact amount back and he just shrugged away and said "It's ok".

It's ok?? What did that even mean?? So I insisted n said "Please take this, I'm not poor, I can afford this" ... Ya don't ask me where that came from ... maybe I just wasn't ok with people paying my bus fare and drivers let me travel for free, but here I was.. asking this absolute stranger to not give me money... and what he said next.. rocked my entire view on so many things.. he shrugged smiling and said.. 'It's ok, it's only paper.."

"It's only paper??? People kill and do crimes for this paper.. what do you even mean???" and he just shrugged again in his casual demeanour..

The bus came in and he went and sat away, I was just so dumbstruck, that I chose to go sit on the seat in-front of his and said, "You just said the most wonderful thing and I will remember it forever". George Romeo Chichirau was from Romania and was in Boston working on solar panels something.. I had been HIT.. with the sheer beauty of this place, it's people and glorious moments of serendipity at every turn in this wonderful city so far.

Later that night I went to check out the music scene of the city as Bostonians pride themselves for some remarkable contributions to music like the group Boston (not very creative with the name), the legendary Aerosmith, New Kids on the Block and many more. So I went to Cambridge Commons and even though the band there sang their own songs mostly which I had never heard before, I found myself grooving easily and enjoying the quality of music and lyrics simply.

The next morning I got up early and made my way to the Isabella Stewart Gardener Museum, Paul had suggested it, and Amy had said I could visit places around also. So the over enthusiastic me got there by 9 am without checking things and timings online as usual only to get there and realise it was going to open at 11am. I had seen a cop handling traffic on my way so I decided I'll go ask him what to do and so I did, and he asked me to spend time and maybe even take a tour at the Massachusetts College of Art and Design and then later walk along the Emerald necklace and see the Museum of Fine Arts, Boston. The knowledge of a coffee shop in there made it irresistible.

Met some wonderful women at the college who gave me so much encouragement for my travels that I felt all the more driven to continue doing what I was doing. Walked around the place, grabbed a coffee and made my way back to the Gardener Museum. Isabella Stewart was an incredible woman with an eye for art and passion for nature. The garden in the middle of her house was indescribable and out of a fairy tale in the midst of a castle like house of stone. The garden could be seen from every room in the house and is etched in my brain even though I could not rather was not allowed to take pictures of it. Each floor and each room of her house was full of memorabilia and artefacts and paintings from all over the world which she has lovingly collected through many years during her travels. Now the interesting thing about this place was that unlike museums where art pieces are either catalogued by eras or countries in her house Isabella had placed each piece according to her taste and place of dining or reading or getting dressed. For instance in the dining area there was this chair put almost out of place abruptly about in-front of the window; I was later told that it was actually placed there for her to enjoy one of her favourite paintings and she would sit in-front of it for hours.

I was full of zest to see more art post Isabella's and walked through the Emerald Necklace to the Museum of Fine Arts. Its grand and has a very very large collection of art. Ummm... my advice? Unless you are a huge art lover... or can spend a whole day here... or have a list of areas you just don't wanna miss... this place can be a bit over whelming. They do have maps for you to hit the hot spots but can definitely do better with the signs.

Next stop was the Faneuil Hall; took a tram to get there. Took directions from an old shop keeper who had a great sense of direction and humour! He told me it was beyond the worst looking building in all of USA, their Community Centre, and he sure was right! The building was quite an eye sore in the beautiful Boston! The Faneuil Hall is a very important place in history, most of the presidents have given speeches there and the structure has been kept intact. There is not much literature but if you are lucky you may meet Adolphus Bailey; he is in-charge of the security and is a well educated man who knows his facts and Boston's history really well and is also a fabulous story teller. Right outside the hall is a lovely Market place with local stuff and souvenir kiosks and street performers. You must walk over to the Waterfront Park and have a coffee. Boston was really wet the days I was there but the places and people were so warm that nothing could have dampened my spirit.

The 'I Do' place

Walked to the Hard Rock Cafe from there and met an old friend Shivkant, he was actually my professor in college but barely a few years elder to us and he and I had been close. I was meeting him almost after 14 years and we both hadn't changed a bit. He drove me around and showed me many important laces of Boston but most importantly took me to the Public Gardens along the Beacon Street and o the spot he got married. It was right next to the lake filled with swans and weeping willows falling over the lake. The setting was picture perfect; so I asked him to take me to the exact spot where he had said 'I Do' and I found myself standing right at that spot wishing my love was with me. A truly romantic moment!

He then took me to the place one must go to, Cheers!. An old restaurant which also was inspired the sitcom named.. well.. 'Cheers!' Their tagline is "Where everybody knows your name". It's a warm place and somehow everyone is kind of easy to talk to.. just comfortable.

As I came home after Shivkant dropped me, I slept with a smile knowing that I had had so many firsts in this wonderful city and with each human interaction I had begun to accept that people were nicer than we imagine them to be, if we just let our guards down for a bit.

I am a committed woman and unlike what we think, not everyone who talks to us as a stranger is out to get something from us. Sometimes all people want is to talk.. And here in Boston... I had talked... I had listened... I had been blown over by the kindness in people from a bus driver to random strangers.

Permissions.. Oppressions... and We the Women

It all really started at a friend's house-warming; a young girl asked me what I did and I said I had quit my job this January to travel the world quite plainly. And she; cutely fluttered her maskara filled pretty eyes and said, "Oh Wow!! Where All? With your husband or like with friends??" 

And I casually said... "Oh! Alone! Umm.. just me!"
There was complete disbelief in her big eyes and gaping through her neat fringe she immediately clarified.. "Just you??".. and awkward pause.. "And your husband allowed it??"
I wasn't prepared; I had started socializing only lately and all whose company I was mostly in were not surprised with my plans at all. So I paused; pulled back a little in the sofa I was and said "Well ya.. Why won't he??" and felt an uncontrollable compulsion to explain... "Well he knows I like to travel.. You know.. And so ya he is totally supportive and stuff..." and I kept rambling for several moments and she kept looking.. and listening intently like somewhere I was gonna tell her the secret of how I managed to what I was doing with my husband and family. But I couldn't.

We all have multiple conversations with many people in get togethers but rarely do people ever ponder over them once we get home right? We mostly say, "Ya good night... nice conversations". But while she had ended her night with a "You're my inspiration!" I had come back to an empty house with one statement from her; "Did your husband allow it?"
Hmmmm... Did he allow it? Did he?? Well in retrospect I hadn't really asked... like at all. We did have a conversation around budgets about it and I had made it clear that I could afford it... but that was really it. I hadn't asked.. and he hadn't refused. My husband is my friend and a well travelled man, and trusts me. And it is this trust that keeps me grounded.

I don't judge myself as one of the modern girls in the conventional sense. I'm traditional, I love my parents and in-laws alike, I work hard, I hardly go out, there are a million things I don't do, I take care of me, my in-laws love me and my father in law is one of my best friends, I make my family proud, haven't done anything to shame them... so ya... I'm alrite!

But I am different, I have been lucky enough to travel and see other cultures and respect what I could understand. And observe us women in all I had seen.

I often tell my friends how my mind is like Ally McBeal's and while the world goes on in a normal way there is a whole different tangent going on in my head and I string thoughts and situations together like one normally wouldn't I guess.

I began to tear the hair and wonder why did someone think it was important for me to seek permission? Why and how was this almost a sign of oppression for me? Was I so different? And several thoughts started stringing together.

I am a girl and just like any other girl I love to dress up and put efforts to feel good about myself. I truly don't think it's the pressure of society or beauty magazines but just something only our sex totally enjoys. We love to mix and match and be melodramatic. And guess what; it's a global phenomenon!! From the colourful dupattas of our villages to the nets and lace of the Arab world to the cuts and fits of New York. And I'm pretty sure none of us do so to be oppressed in any way. When we are bending close to the mirrors to get our kajal right; our eyes are full of hope that we would feel good about ourselves n we would find someone who would love us for us and not want to change us. Then what had happened along the way?

Why was this happening?? Why were we seeking permissions? Why were we constantly explaining ourselves? Why the sex crimes in India?? Why did the cool, young, independent designer girl feel that I needed permission? To simply travel???

The girl's question made me reflect on how we women had allowed the men in our lives; fathers, brothers, lovers, husbands to have the authority to permit us to live our lives as we pleased. Why did we do that?? Why were we still doing that? I agree there were not many solo travellers in the world but I'm sure they all had discussions about their dreams and pursuing them but can't imagine permissions. Like the iconic scene from DDLJ...'Jaa Simran jaa... Jeele apni zindagi". And then.. just like that it hit me!

It's not just the men who were to be blamed. No. No. It wasn't. We were to be blamed equally or even a little more I'd imagine.
The reason why I always felt comfortable wearing anything and going for a movie alone in England or many other western countries at any time was because at sometime women had changed how they allowed men to treat them in their societies and also how they accepted and supported each other through their tough decisions like separations or divorces or molestation.
Men are men everywhere, geographies don't change sexual behaviour or psychology. They will take whatever you can give. But we women, when we ignore when a man stares at us for a minute too long and look away or get busy...? We have allowed him to repeat.
When we women walk away faster digging our eyes in our feet, when we hear a lewd comment instead of turning around and reacting like any other human would, we have allowed them to repeat. 
When our men hit us and we forgive them; we have allowed them to do it over and over again.
When we let them tell us how to dress instead of teaching their own kind that being dis-respectable to women is uncool we had allowed them to oppress us and rule us. 
When we judge our own sisters and blame them for the pain they go through and say 'You shouldn't have been out late" or gossip "Have you seen what she wears" we are making us weaker.

It was when we; the women; had killed something inside us, looked down and away and said 'Ok' when we actually wanted to scream 'No' or 'Not Ok' that they felt we were ok with anything they would put us through.
And it is when we seek permission inspite of being educated and independent instead of talking about it like one human to another that we become dependent and hence the weaker sex by choice which is truly dependent. Let's talk about it, address it, face it, refuse it, debate it.

I am guilty of it too. I also have felt the need to explain myself several times as being normal and a nice girl to justify my being different and accepted and respected just because I'm a good wife or daughter in law.
I say enough of blaming men and governments and playing victims. We take our own responsibility and stop waiting to be rescued and create our own solution, be the corrector and the truly stronger, fairer sex, cause we just really are!